WHY IS A WAITER'S LIFESTYLE AS ADDICTIVE AS CRACK COCAINE? Is it the drama - will the next diner be charming or psychotic? Is it the craft- knowing how to handle tricky customers? Is it the behind-the-scenes chaos - the crazy chefs and constant crises?

Whatever it is, it has kept the Waiter serving tables in the New York area for the best part of a decade, and he has survived enough restaurant hell to know a thing or two. His stories of bad behaviour show that people can be at their worst in restaurants. And that obnoxiousness seldom goes unpunished by restaurant staff.

WHY IS A WAITER'S LIFESTYLE AS ADDICTIVE AS CRACK COCAINE? Is it the drama - will the next diner be charming or psychotic? Is it the craft- knowing how to handle tricky customers? Is it the behind-the-scenes chaos - the crazy chefs and constant crises?

Whatever it is, it has kept the Waiter serving tables in the New York area for the best part of a decade, and he has survived enough restaurant hell to know a thing or two. His stories of bad behaviour show that people can be at their worst in restaurants. And that obnoxiousness seldom goes unpunished by restaurant staff.

Want to avoid getting the table next to the toilets on Valentine's Day? Take some tips from the Waiter: how to make reservations, why you shouldn't pretend to be a friend of the owner, and why you should never snap your fingers... His hilarious stories reveal the mayhem unleashed by the simple business of putting on a good meal.

Preface

1 Amici's

2 The Sacred and the Profane

3 Fascists and Freshwater Ostrich

4 Waiter Jedi

5 Paupery

6 The Boxof Chocolates Saint

7 Big Brother

8 The Back Alley of Affluence

9 The Tip's the Thing

10 Why Be aWaiter?

11 A Little Knowledge Is a Dangerous Thing

12 Filth

13 I Hate Mother's Day

14 Vengeance Is Mine

15 Snapshots

16 Heaven and Hell

17 Substance Abuse

18 The Fourth of July

19 Russell Crowe and Me

20 If It Can Go Wrong, It Will

21 The Demons

22 Throwing in the Apron

Epilogue

Appendixes:

 A 40 Tips on How to Be a Good Customer

 B 50 Ways to Tell You're Working in a Bad Restaurant

 C Items a Waiter Should Carry at All Times (or Have Close By)